Hurting
by Crowfeather's girl
Summary: Memories of him haunt Castiel as he lays in their empty apartment. Set in the AU. Rated M for one nsfw part.


_**A/N: Wow, ok I am so sorry about this really. **_

_**Song: "My Immortal." **_

_**I'm still sorry**_

**I'm so tired of being here**

**Suppressed by all my childish fears**

**And if you have to leave**

**I wish that you would just leave**

**'Cause your presence still lingers here**

**And it won't leave me alone**

Castiel snuggled deeper into the blankets, burying his face in the pillows as he took in a shuddering breath. They smelled just like him. Tears burned in Castiel's eyes, threatening to spill over as he snuggled deeper into the blankets, his scent enveloping him. Laying there in their dark apartment, Castiel finally began to feel the grief, the loneliness and emptiness.

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

_Dean lounged on the couch lazily, eyes half shut as he dozed, chest rising gently with each intake of breath he took. Sunlight filtered weakly through the windows of the small apartment, birds twittering in the distance as they enjoyed what little spring warmth they could in the Michigan air before the sharp frost settled back in for the evening. Today was Tuesday, Dean's day off and he spent it like any other day off: Running errands and waiting for his soon to be husband. _

_The key in the lock alerted Dean and he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. With a sweep, Castiel entered, setting his suitcase down and shrugging out of his tan trench coat. _

_"Dean?" he called quietly, not sure if he was sleeping or not. Castiel knew Dean liked to sleep on his days off, and decided not to call loud enough to actually wake his lover from his snooze. Dean got off the couch quietly, padding silently to the kitchen where Castiel had situated himself, flipping through the bills on the counter._

_"Hey, Angel." Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist as he pressed his lips to his neck. He felt Castiel relax into him, feeling the content sigh that escaped his lips. _

_"I've been working on this case." he said and Dean could hear the stress in his voice as he pressed more soft kisses to Castiel's neck. "My client isn't exactly squeaky clean and he isn't being as cooperative as he should be." Castiel sighed, his hands reaching back to rest on Dean's hips as he tipped his head back against Dean's shoulder._

_"You're here now." Dean murmured before his lips met Castiel's in a slow, sweet, kiss. _

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**

**And I held your hand through all of these years**

**But you still have**

**All of me**

_Castiel ran a hand down Dean's face, catching his tears as they fell, his own face wet as he held him. "I'm so sorry." he whispered into his hair, feeling Dean's body tremble beneath him as he sobbed. _

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Castiel whispered over and over as he wiped his tears away. Dean's mother passed away today. Mary Winchester was one of the brightest rays of sunshine Dean held close to him after his father died four years ago due to a stroke. She died in a car accident. Her car skid on a patch of ice and hit another vehicle in oncoming traffic. _

_"My mom." Dean choked out. "My mom." he repeated, twisting around and burying his face in Castiel's chest, taking in an intake of breath as he tried to steady his breathing. Cas had met Mary Winchester many of times, the first time was five years ago when he and Dean had first started dating. _

_"What...What am I supposed to do?" Dean asked, voice hoarse as he looked up at Castiel with red rimmed eyes. "What am I supposed to do without her?" Castiel brought a hand to his face, wiping his own tears away as he looked down at Dean. He couldn't answer. He pulled Dean up, arms wrapping securely around him, pulling the blankets around them as he held the trembling man._

**You used to captivate me**

**By your resonating light**

**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**

**Your face it haunts**

**My once pleasant dreams**

**Your voice it chased away**

**All the sanity in me**

_"Hey, Angel." Castiel awoke from his sleep, looking around as he caught the scent of Dean, heart quickening. "Dean?" He called into the darkness of his room, looking for any sign of him. It was silent, the sound of rain audible from inside. _

_"It's alright, I'm here." Dean's voice was just a whisper as Cas pulled the sheets over him, enveloping himself in Dean's musky scent. He ignored the soft beeping of his phone, which is somewhere across the apartment, screen cracked and shattered. Castiel remembered throwing it, along with many other items, against one of the walls as he faced the empty apartment that contained all of Dean's items he shared. _

_"Not, you're not and never will be again." Castiel said in a broken whisper._

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

_"Castiel." Dean breathed in ecstasy, head rolling back into his pillow as his hips rolled more, tender, loving lips finding his lover's once more. Dean gasped into Castiel's mouth, blunt nails digging into the soft skin of his back. Sweat slicked their skin, sheets clung to them as they moved, Dean's hands pulling at any part of Cas he could get._

_"Yes." Castiel grunted, giving another thrust as Dean's mouth clamped down around his collar bone. Dean's noise of pleasure was muffled by the skin around him as another wave of pleasure jolted through him, intensifying once more as Cas' hands slipped over his chest to his throbbing member, wrapping around him gently as he began to pump him fist. _

_Dean found Castiel's mouth once more, unable to stop the unhuman noises that were escaping him, his tongue sweeping Castiel's mouth, licking and twisting at anything he could get too, taking in the very taste of him. He could feel the need to release coming on quickly and he knew Castiel was close. As Cas gave another thrust, sweat dripping down his face from his hair, a low groan came from him as he came in Dean, gasping in pleasure he kept his hand going over Dean until he came. _

_Both sweaty and sticky, they lay together, breaths mingling as they tried to calm themselves. Cas had removed himself from Dean, moving to settle beside him as his arms pulled him closer. Dean stayed still, riding out the last few waves of pleasure Castiel had induced as he tried to breathe. Cas played with his hair, head lolling back into the pillows, a small smile on his lips as he looked to Dean._

_"I love you." he murmured. _

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**

**But though you're still with me**

**I've been alone all along**

_"Dean. Dean, look at me." Castiel pleaded, hands gripping the fabric of his leather jacket as he pulled his bloodstained hands away from Dean's chest, heart stopping. The distant wails of sirens could be heard throughout the neighborhood as Castiel held him, Dean's eyes rolling in his head as he took in sharp gasps._

_"Dean!" Castiel begged. "It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be alright. We'll get you fixed up." He said softly as tears spilled from his eyes. Two weeks. Two weeks before they were to be married. The air cut into Castiel's skin, slicing him open as he held his dying lover in the middle of the street. _

_"Cas." Dean's voice rasped as blood bubbled at his lips, hands reaching weakly for him. Light glinted off the silver knife that lay beside him, blood coating it. "Castiel." he took another sharp intake of breath, eyes rolling once more until they finally met his._

_"I love you." his voice was rough as he gave a sharp, wet cough, more blood bubbling at his lips. _

_"Dean, it's going to be ok. We're gonna fix you up." Castiel begged, tears rolling down his face now as he brought his hand to cup Dean's cheek, his other hand applying pressure to Dean's chest in attempt to stanch the bleeding from the large stab wound. _

_Dean shook his head, resting it in Castiel's lap as he laced his hand in Castiel's._

_"Angel.." he whispered hoarsely. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." he breathed as his grip loosened around Cas' hand._


End file.
